When I was 7, my best friend Timmy Fitzpatrick passed away of a brain tumor. After his funeral our class looked to the clouds in amazement, we saw an angel walking up the clouds like they were staircases. At 9, my father passed away, and I hoped to witness another angel in the sky. I would look up at the clouds everyday until I was 13, hoping and praying to find one. I never saw my angel in the clouds, but she rang my doorbell, and looked like an eggplant.
I had the biggest crush on this girl, since freshmen year. The vaguest memory I have of her is from my Freshmen focus day, she was sitting up on the stage of the Dan Foley Rec Center. I was just amazed and in awe of this random girl sitting down, I don't even know her name. My friend punched me on the shoulder and told me to stop staring. I looked at him funny and asked if I really was staring, of course I was, but more in a thoughtful than a creeper way. Of course, to my luck, she has a boyfriend for a little more than a year after... By that time I had given up hope on ever expecting to go out with her, beautiful, smart, thoughtful, and the biggest obstacle, she's older than me. By December Sophomore year, I went out with enough girls to notice... I didn't like any of them. I guess I'm picky, or have high standards according to some people. I personally think they're all crazy, or I'm insane and really didn't know why I tried in the first place. I knew I was never gonna be happy with any chick I might run into. I hang out with a bunch of friends that are in the grade above me, a couple of them happen to be her friends too. Seeing her, I suddenly remember the adolescent version of my staring at this beautiful girl sitting on stage. Something inside knew I wanted to ask her out, that something about her was going to change my life. So I did what most teenage guys would do, ask their friends and her friends about her, if she just might have the a minute semblance of feelings for me back. I knew she was well liked by other guys at school, her ex, a couple of my friends, a couple of people in her class, so I never thought I had a modicum of chance to begin with. But my friends thought it would be a good idea, well, all except one. I talked to her a little more, hoping she wouldn't find out that I was going to ask her out. But she's smart, so she picked up on me wanting to ask her out (I found this out later), and she did have a modicum of feelings back, of which I did not know. She asked my best friend before their French class if "he knew something she didn't know." He answered with a confusing riddle summarizing to: How can you say that I know something you don't, when there are many things you and I know that each other don't know. He saved my ass that day, and it made the funniest pre-couple story I have in my arsenal.
I laid off asking her out for the longest amount of time, about a week, because I'm a coward and a baby and I knew if something was really this important about her, I wanted to make it perfect. And "perfect" it was not. We talked a little in between bells after lunch, small talk, but I knew I had to that day, or my life was going to be perpetually ruined. We needed to go to class, she says bye, and something, still not knowing what, pushes me, pulls my arm out of my pocket, and grabs her hand around a giant rectangular pillar. I turned around it and asked her, with the most prodigious smile on my face. All girls up until know have answered the "Would you like to go out sometime?" question with the worst answer a guy could get, "Maybe." But apparently since she knew that I wanted to ask her out, and she had the same feelings, she said, "Hmmm.. I kinda thought you'd ask that. Yes, of course." I melted quicker than mercury itself, something big was to happen...
The next day, after History class, we talked, and to my surprise, we talked of the up coming Prom. She asked me not to jump the gun, I was a Sophomore, I couldn't really "ask" her to Prom, seeing that I'm not really invited. She was asked by two people before, one a good friend, another just a friend, this one being the one that said it wasn't a good idea to ask her out. I thought my "good friend" deserved to go to Prom with her, know he's God's advocate, I quickly said it'd be perfectly fine if she went with him. Guess what? I jumped the gun, she asked me to Prom, yes an extremely awkward, funny situation. I agreed, yet had no money, and the last day to buy the $84 tickets was that Thursday. I had to ask a couple of friends for about $40 to buy the ticket, but I got the money and the ticket, and I was officially her Prom date, I don't think I mentioned the fact that I suck at finding clothes for any occasion.
Field day came, I finally got my tux, hoping I matched her dress, never getting a look at it before about 6 that day। We had fun at field day, looked at the cars displayed in the car show, played some Jenga... Okay, a lot of Jenga, which was very unfair because the desks were tilted inwards. Obviously an unfair disadvantage for me, right? But that's beside the point, Field Day was great, and it was a good beginning to one of the best days of my life. Around 2 I left to go get her beautiful corsage prepared by my friend's grandmother. Got back home and started getting ready, getting calls from friends about ties, grease (eww...), hair gel, etc. Because I stupidly shampooed twice, my hair became super "fluffy." Also, this is the first day I completely shaved, moustache, chin, beard and all. Tux on, my mom was on the verge of tears, saying how I look so much like my father, which reminded me to look outside for that blasted angel. But to my dismay, the skies were clear and it was HOT. She called to say the limo is on its way, to be ready and that she'll be ringing my door in a bit. I was still outside looking for an angel when the doorbell rang. I opened the door, and there she was, the angel in front of my house, colored in "eggplant purple." There was a reason the clouds weren't in the sky that day, because my angel was on earth. I wish I had noticed it then... In complete awe, I had NO idea what to say, I invite her in, grab her corsage, show her the view from my backyard, and get going because we're already late. Before we leave, her friends tell me my mom was crying as she waved good bye.
In the limo, we did the normal things us teens would do, talked, took pictures, drank soda, most of all, laughed. She tried to put her boutonniere on my "lapel" (I learned that from her!), she nearly stabbed me with the pin. I would be perfectly content with having an acupuncture session by an angel. We got to the Scottish Rites Center (the place our Prom was held), and waited in line to get in... We checked in with our favorite teacher, she seemed extremely surprised to see us there together... HAPPY. Bad choice #1: We got into the Picture line directly after checking-in. Line took forever and a half, we ran into an annoying stalker-ish friend, and our picture was amazing, was it worth it? Hell yes. Afterwards, we were unable to find a table to eat at, so two teachers gave us their mainly empty table, ate the crappy Prom food, and did what most people do at Prom: Dance. Of course, the first slow dance came, and another chick friend of ours was just standing there, staring up at the ceiling, awkwardly, obliviously, but she meant no harm. Just smiling at each other, in complete content with the world, actually asking why each other, why her and why me. Always smiling, music blasting, talking, but barely audible to each other. Eventually her feet started to hurt, she wanted to sit down, so she took my hand and we walked through the crowds back to our table, filled with unfinished food, my blazer and purses filled with who knows what. After a countless number of songs, conversations of each others favorite bands, music, colors, the Prom King and Queen were decided, a few more songs were played and we were invited to leave. We picked up our Prom favors and were ready to leave. I called our awesome, "hyper-cool" Russian limo driver, we rushed into the quasi-warm limo, now that the hot weather had changed into a fairly cold night, we hurried in and quickly decided to go to Nation's. Being in Oakland, we decided it'd be a good idea to find a Nation's closer to Berkeley. We get there, with loud booms coming from a club right next door to the Nation's. I order nothing, because I was, so she called me, "subdued," but everyone else orders food, and she orders some berry pie. To our luck, every one's orders were delayed a most of 40 minutes, I have a group of friends consisting of 5 other chicks dressed up, which forced me to try and look a little ferocious to keep off any other annoying guys, and a numerous amount of high and drunk people came to comment on us and reminisce on their Junior/Senior Proms. We leave, knowing we are extremely late, and are on our ride home. She's tired, sleepy and cold, so I hand her my blazer, warm since I wore it, and let her slightly doze off on my shoulder while I slowly drink a Pepsi in an ice cold precipitating can, I sort of doze off too smiling ever so slightly... We reach my house after dropping off our friend first, yes the oblivious one. Once I reach the door, Bad choice #2: I notice that I forgot my keys before getting IN TO the limo, so she walked ME to the door, and I had to call MY parents to answer the door... Yes, I know, failure. She thanked me for coming with her, we hugged good night, and I walked inside. I walk wearily upstairs look at my bed, smile, which in turn becomes laughter, and I fall... Months later I find out from her best friend that she came back into the limo, "on cloud 9" by the way I smelled, apparently she ranted on it...
Next day I call my best friend, with the biggest smile on my face talking about my amazement at Prom. He didn't go, so he was a little less interested, but he was psyched to know how things went between my girlfriend and I, seeing as how Prom was our first date. We laughed hard, talking about the fake-out he used against her in French class, and the stupid mistakes that I did the night before. That weekend flew by with anxiety of seeing her again the Monday after, just like every other day after that weekend.
She had a play that she acted in between Prom and finals, there I met her parents, like another guy on earth, I freaked out, but all went well. Finals came and left, book return day we finally signed each other's yearbooks, again, me being an incompetent idiot, I don't know what to write. There, Sophomore year ended with the best thing that's happened to me in years, I was happy and I have a beautiful girlfriend. The Sunday after school closed for summer vacation we decided that it'd be a good idea if our parents met each other... At my house. It's a little weird being Indian and having parents meet, it symbolizes an upcoming marriage between the two children, so you might be able to understand why my parents flipped a little and why I was pretty worried. But no, all went well, our parents (at least that's what I think) loved each other, they all seemed pretty happy, me being extremely quite, while she obliviously impressed my parents. We decided to go watch "UP" in theaters afterward. But she wanted me to try "bubble tea" before the movie at a near-by restaurant, and it was great, until the tapioca balls got stuck in the middle of the straw, so I ended up trying to blow them out and having a lot of honeydew melon milk tea spurt everywhere, mainly on my pants and shoes. After that tragedy, we went into the theaters and watched the extremely sweet and funny movie better known as "UP" holding hands the hold time. Then our hands got sweaty and we switched hands, that was pretty awkward feeling, especially while still seated. We stayed after the movie to try and find the song they played constantly, in a joyful manner of course! We never found it in the end credits, but it was time to get out of our seats and wait for her father in the lobby. There we were, in each other's arms, kind of cold, waiting for our ride. He pulled up, I sat in the back and her dog sat in my lap. He poked me every couple minutes, which apparently meant, "Hey, you, person, pet me... PET ME! Aww, thanks you did." She dropped me off home, this time I DID have my keys, but again, just hugged her goodbye...
We talked everyday on the phone that summer, for a couple of hours at least. Mid-June came and it had been 3 weeks since we last saw each other, and our one month was about to come up, so I decided to take her to First street in Benicia. I had plans set up, I decided to wear a cape and get her flowers, hybrid lilies, one of her favorite. Just my luck, hybrid lilies weren't in season and only one bouquet was left in all of Benicia and some other guy in his 20s wanted those same flowers. Guess who won the fight over flowers for our girlfriends? That's right, me. I wasn't gonna give anything up for those. A little more than 10 minutes afterward, she arrived at the front of the library, I opened the door for her, gave her the flowers and we started walking. Walking down the beautiful downtown of Benicia, we ran into one of our more awkward friends, but she always means well, we walked into a couple of antique shops and eventually ended up walking all the way down towards the pier. We crossed the street towards the empty field and stood near a little pond-marsh-thing. There we stood for about 2 hours, hardly saying more than a couple sentences at a time. But completely content with the world around us, with each other, nothing could possibly ruin those two hours. We talked about the things couples talk about: Could you ever imagine US ever going out? What were the chances? How we could both be there for days, completely happy...Etc... Because I'm a guy and I was so happy being with her, my heart was beating faster and harder than the pistons in a car engine. She's conveniently tall enough to rest hear head where my heart is while we're in each other's arms. She notices it and starts breathing slower, pacing herself. I naturally am curious as of what she's doing, my asthma kicking up slowly along with the heart beats decreasing in intervals. She tells me that she's trying to slow my heartbeat because my asthma's preventing me from doing it. I laughed, not noticing the overall effect it would have on me later. I responded jokingly, telling her that it's like me working for her, so she can grow muscles. We laughed and smiled, staring into each others eyes, completely lost within them... I'm jumping forward 20 minutes on purpose, for reasons some people know, while others don't and shouldn't have to know. But we go to Double Rainbow, an ice-cream parlor/cafe, and listen to my Ipod a little while my smoothie and her drink are being prepared. I find out she ordered a cup of coffee, and if you know her, you automatically will know that's bad choice #3. I'm getting a little worried, hoping that the date wasn't December 21st 2012, but it was minutely hot and windy, worried none the less, coffee doesn't mix well with a happy, bouncy (like Tigger) type of person. But our days almost over so we start walking to the park, and I put on my cape, telling her it's because she makes me feel like a super hero. Little fun tidbit of that day: on the way up, we see a black PT Cruiser with purple flames which was had been driven by an old lady, with and older lady in the passenger seat. We eventually reached the library, her mom pulled over to the curb, and we hugged goodbye, now our signature salutation.
The next Monday, July 6th, was my flight to our nation's capital for NSLC. I got into my dorm room at the University of Maryland and I called her, and she seemed a little distraught. Being the concerned boyfriend that I am, I asked what was up. She asked if I really wanted her to say it. Well but of course, I really did not know what was wrong. She laughed and said, "I miss you." My heart started beating harder again, because I knew we hadn't seen each other most of the summer, always talking on the phone, and we don't live that close to each other, so there was no reason to miss me for any special occasion, right? I told her I'd call her every night then, to make her feel better, and even if I had to stay up to 12 with the difference in time-zones. While our
NSLC group went to Union Station, we ran into a Swarovski store, for some odd reason, I really wanted to go inside... I found a small crystalline mouse and decided that I wanted her to have it, but the question was: Is it cute/adorable enough? I ask my little group of friends and any cluster of girls I could find and show them the tiny mouse, without saying a word, the first two words I heard screamed at me were: Awww!!!! Cute!!!! They asked for whom, I said for the person that's extremely special to me, 'nough said. Did I forget to mention that my parents weren't super cool with me calling my girlfriend more than them? I got grounded the day I came home, fun, huh? No phone or laptop or seeing my girlfriend until school started... But I convinced them that I should at least see her the Friday after I come back, and so I did. We couldn't decide where to go, so we went for "originality" and met at First Street again. The box the mouse came in was a little big and bulky, so there was no way to hide it, but I took the mouse and put it into some gift tissue paper thing... Anyways, I had it in my breast pocket and was waiting for the perfect moment to give it to her. We sat on a bench looking onto the water and some funny little ducks. Laughing and smiling I thought that it would be a good time to give it to her... She loved it, and it was time to go, yet again... That was the last time I'd see her that summer. She went off to her friend's house, accidentally leaves the mouse there, her friend eventually names the mouse William, suiting, no? She gets it back, no worries.
We still talk on the phone, just this time I'm using my home phone, pretty lame. But we we still talk, she tells me of how she wants this to be the best year yet, seeing as how it's her Senior year and all. I put it up onto myself to try and make it perfect. I didn't plan very much, maybe two things tops, but I did want it to make it amazing for her.
School started the stress of college apps, AP classes and school overall starts piling. She becomes busy extremely quickly, but I foresaw it, again, it being her senior year and all. We still talked, I tried to occasionally help her with her Anatomy homework, hung out with friends during lunch, the usual. But one day, she seemed extremely quite after school, something was definitely wrong. I had a pretty bad feeling about this, but I wanted to comfort her, being her boyfriend. We stood in each other's arms near the maintenance buildings. She said she wanted to break up, I said, sure, hoping it could work a little afterwards. She needed to go to the library to work on her Anatomy project, while I walked to where my mom picks me up. I walk steadily, suddenly my heart sinks and my asthma kicks in severely. I two of my friends, I sit down on the grass and started crying. This was the beginning of the end and the beginning of when I started to figure out that she was much more to me than just my girlfriend.
I got home tears streaming down my face, my neighbor, nearly my brother, outside going to his car. He looks at me, takes me in his arms and I just pour out. We talk numerous times trying to make me feel better, also giving us time to reminisce before he goes off to college. Over the course of about a week, I was able to temporarily convince her to give me another chance, that the month I was gone, we degressed a little, reverted back to just friends. Since we didn't know eachother very well before, we needed to climb the relationship ladder: acquaintences, friends, good friends, best friend, couple. Going out, we obviously skipped a couple steps, eventually anything could tip our balance and fall down anywhere onto those steps. So we went out again, decided to go to homecoming, but I was constantly worried about her now. I wanted to make sure she was happy, with me and just normally content, but being worried never fixes things. I would think of ways to make her better, but my worrying got in the way of my way of putting them into action. Apparently being worried helps think, not act, it's a crappy mental process that hasn't been improved through the evolution of human emotions. The day of Anime club's movie, I couldn't get her out of my mind, I was just so completely out of it. Ambivalent at the time, happy to be with her, worried about how she's doing. Those two don't mix well with me. She noticed and called that night, I told her about my worrying problem about how I was so ambivalent around her, hoping she would understand... The next Monday, we broke up, yet again. This time, all the cogs in my head started working, trying to figure out what she means to me... Why I couldn't let her go, why I can't let her, of all the girls I've gone out with, why I couldn't let her slip. Why was she the one I wanted to see smile everyday?
I kept trying to get us back together, eventually I thought I'd try it her way, stay friends... Not a good idea, everything I did, everytime I closed my eyes she's there or it reminds me of things we've done. I spiraled downwards, feeling myself being affected physically and emotionally by not being with her, something about her is making my heart and mind sink. I remember of when she started breathing slower so my heart beat could slow down, of how much in awe I was when she showed up at my door before Prom, how I unknowingly couldn't keep my eyes off her Freshmen year, most of all, what compelled me, pushed me and extended my arm to grab her hand around that pilar? I figured it out... I love her, she's the angel that I'd been looking for all my life, something else wanted us to be together... I knew she felt the same way, the same feelings she had when she floated to cloud 9 by the way I smelled, the way she wanted to slow my heartbeat down, how she wanted me to go to Prom with her, the way she missed me even though phone conversations is all we had... I know, no I feel and believe that she does feel the same way, she's just lost sight of it, just like how I lost sight of wanting her to by happy through my worrying...
Webster's Dictionary defines love as "Especially, devoted attachment to, or tender or passionate affection for, one of the opposite sex." Emotional Intelligence defines it as "acceptance, friendliness, trust, kindness, affinity, devotion, adoration, infatuation, agape." My definition of love is when reality becomes better than your most memorable dream, when that other person cares for you enough to miss more when you go somewhere, even though you hardly see eachother, when both people are happiest when they're with eachother. I fell in love with her. Am I wrong to keep trying? Am I wrong to be torn apart, to know that she does feel the same way? Was I wrong to fall in love? I don't think, believe or feel so... Am I wrong to tell her that I love her?
I had the biggest crush on this girl, since freshmen year. The vaguest memory I have of her is from my Freshmen focus day, she was sitting up on the stage of the Dan Foley Rec Center. I was just amazed and in awe of this random girl sitting down, I don't even know her name. My friend punched me on the shoulder and told me to stop staring. I looked at him funny and asked if I really was staring, of course I was, but more in a thoughtful than a creeper way. Of course, to my luck, she has a boyfriend for a little more than a year after... By that time I had given up hope on ever expecting to go out with her, beautiful, smart, thoughtful, and the biggest obstacle, she's older than me. By December Sophomore year, I went out with enough girls to notice... I didn't like any of them. I guess I'm picky, or have high standards according to some people. I personally think they're all crazy, or I'm insane and really didn't know why I tried in the first place. I knew I was never gonna be happy with any chick I might run into. I hang out with a bunch of friends that are in the grade above me, a couple of them happen to be her friends too. Seeing her, I suddenly remember the adolescent version of my staring at this beautiful girl sitting on stage. Something inside knew I wanted to ask her out, that something about her was going to change my life. So I did what most teenage guys would do, ask their friends and her friends about her, if she just might have the a minute semblance of feelings for me back. I knew she was well liked by other guys at school, her ex, a couple of my friends, a couple of people in her class, so I never thought I had a modicum of chance to begin with. But my friends thought it would be a good idea, well, all except one. I talked to her a little more, hoping she wouldn't find out that I was going to ask her out. But she's smart, so she picked up on me wanting to ask her out (I found this out later), and she did have a modicum of feelings back, of which I did not know. She asked my best friend before their French class if "he knew something she didn't know." He answered with a confusing riddle summarizing to: How can you say that I know something you don't, when there are many things you and I know that each other don't know. He saved my ass that day, and it made the funniest pre-couple story I have in my arsenal.
I laid off asking her out for the longest amount of time, about a week, because I'm a coward and a baby and I knew if something was really this important about her, I wanted to make it perfect. And "perfect" it was not. We talked a little in between bells after lunch, small talk, but I knew I had to that day, or my life was going to be perpetually ruined. We needed to go to class, she says bye, and something, still not knowing what, pushes me, pulls my arm out of my pocket, and grabs her hand around a giant rectangular pillar. I turned around it and asked her, with the most prodigious smile on my face. All girls up until know have answered the "Would you like to go out sometime?" question with the worst answer a guy could get, "Maybe." But apparently since she knew that I wanted to ask her out, and she had the same feelings, she said, "Hmmm.. I kinda thought you'd ask that. Yes, of course." I melted quicker than mercury itself, something big was to happen...
The next day, after History class, we talked, and to my surprise, we talked of the up coming Prom. She asked me not to jump the gun, I was a Sophomore, I couldn't really "ask" her to Prom, seeing that I'm not really invited. She was asked by two people before, one a good friend, another just a friend, this one being the one that said it wasn't a good idea to ask her out. I thought my "good friend" deserved to go to Prom with her, know he's God's advocate, I quickly said it'd be perfectly fine if she went with him. Guess what? I jumped the gun, she asked me to Prom, yes an extremely awkward, funny situation. I agreed, yet had no money, and the last day to buy the $84 tickets was that Thursday. I had to ask a couple of friends for about $40 to buy the ticket, but I got the money and the ticket, and I was officially her Prom date, I don't think I mentioned the fact that I suck at finding clothes for any occasion.
Field day came, I finally got my tux, hoping I matched her dress, never getting a look at it before about 6 that day। We had fun at field day, looked at the cars displayed in the car show, played some Jenga... Okay, a lot of Jenga, which was very unfair because the desks were tilted inwards. Obviously an unfair disadvantage for me, right? But that's beside the point, Field Day was great, and it was a good beginning to one of the best days of my life. Around 2 I left to go get her beautiful corsage prepared by my friend's grandmother. Got back home and started getting ready, getting calls from friends about ties, grease (eww...), hair gel, etc. Because I stupidly shampooed twice, my hair became super "fluffy." Also, this is the first day I completely shaved, moustache, chin, beard and all. Tux on, my mom was on the verge of tears, saying how I look so much like my father, which reminded me to look outside for that blasted angel. But to my dismay, the skies were clear and it was HOT. She called to say the limo is on its way, to be ready and that she'll be ringing my door in a bit. I was still outside looking for an angel when the doorbell rang. I opened the door, and there she was, the angel in front of my house, colored in "eggplant purple." There was a reason the clouds weren't in the sky that day, because my angel was on earth. I wish I had noticed it then... In complete awe, I had NO idea what to say, I invite her in, grab her corsage, show her the view from my backyard, and get going because we're already late. Before we leave, her friends tell me my mom was crying as she waved good bye.
In the limo, we did the normal things us teens would do, talked, took pictures, drank soda, most of all, laughed. She tried to put her boutonniere on my "lapel" (I learned that from her!), she nearly stabbed me with the pin. I would be perfectly content with having an acupuncture session by an angel. We got to the Scottish Rites Center (the place our Prom was held), and waited in line to get in... We checked in with our favorite teacher, she seemed extremely surprised to see us there together... HAPPY. Bad choice #1: We got into the Picture line directly after checking-in. Line took forever and a half, we ran into an annoying stalker-ish friend, and our picture was amazing, was it worth it? Hell yes. Afterwards, we were unable to find a table to eat at, so two teachers gave us their mainly empty table, ate the crappy Prom food, and did what most people do at Prom: Dance. Of course, the first slow dance came, and another chick friend of ours was just standing there, staring up at the ceiling, awkwardly, obliviously, but she meant no harm. Just smiling at each other, in complete content with the world, actually asking why each other, why her and why me. Always smiling, music blasting, talking, but barely audible to each other. Eventually her feet started to hurt, she wanted to sit down, so she took my hand and we walked through the crowds back to our table, filled with unfinished food, my blazer and purses filled with who knows what. After a countless number of songs, conversations of each others favorite bands, music, colors, the Prom King and Queen were decided, a few more songs were played and we were invited to leave. We picked up our Prom favors and were ready to leave. I called our awesome, "hyper-cool" Russian limo driver, we rushed into the quasi-warm limo, now that the hot weather had changed into a fairly cold night, we hurried in and quickly decided to go to Nation's. Being in Oakland, we decided it'd be a good idea to find a Nation's closer to Berkeley. We get there, with loud booms coming from a club right next door to the Nation's. I order nothing, because I was, so she called me, "subdued," but everyone else orders food, and she orders some berry pie. To our luck, every one's orders were delayed a most of 40 minutes, I have a group of friends consisting of 5 other chicks dressed up, which forced me to try and look a little ferocious to keep off any other annoying guys, and a numerous amount of high and drunk people came to comment on us and reminisce on their Junior/Senior Proms. We leave, knowing we are extremely late, and are on our ride home. She's tired, sleepy and cold, so I hand her my blazer, warm since I wore it, and let her slightly doze off on my shoulder while I slowly drink a Pepsi in an ice cold precipitating can, I sort of doze off too smiling ever so slightly... We reach my house after dropping off our friend first, yes the oblivious one. Once I reach the door, Bad choice #2: I notice that I forgot my keys before getting IN TO the limo, so she walked ME to the door, and I had to call MY parents to answer the door... Yes, I know, failure. She thanked me for coming with her, we hugged good night, and I walked inside. I walk wearily upstairs look at my bed, smile, which in turn becomes laughter, and I fall... Months later I find out from her best friend that she came back into the limo, "on cloud 9" by the way I smelled, apparently she ranted on it...
Next day I call my best friend, with the biggest smile on my face talking about my amazement at Prom. He didn't go, so he was a little less interested, but he was psyched to know how things went between my girlfriend and I, seeing as how Prom was our first date. We laughed hard, talking about the fake-out he used against her in French class, and the stupid mistakes that I did the night before. That weekend flew by with anxiety of seeing her again the Monday after, just like every other day after that weekend.
She had a play that she acted in between Prom and finals, there I met her parents, like another guy on earth, I freaked out, but all went well. Finals came and left, book return day we finally signed each other's yearbooks, again, me being an incompetent idiot, I don't know what to write. There, Sophomore year ended with the best thing that's happened to me in years, I was happy and I have a beautiful girlfriend. The Sunday after school closed for summer vacation we decided that it'd be a good idea if our parents met each other... At my house. It's a little weird being Indian and having parents meet, it symbolizes an upcoming marriage between the two children, so you might be able to understand why my parents flipped a little and why I was pretty worried. But no, all went well, our parents (at least that's what I think) loved each other, they all seemed pretty happy, me being extremely quite, while she obliviously impressed my parents. We decided to go watch "UP" in theaters afterward. But she wanted me to try "bubble tea" before the movie at a near-by restaurant, and it was great, until the tapioca balls got stuck in the middle of the straw, so I ended up trying to blow them out and having a lot of honeydew melon milk tea spurt everywhere, mainly on my pants and shoes. After that tragedy, we went into the theaters and watched the extremely sweet and funny movie better known as "UP" holding hands the hold time. Then our hands got sweaty and we switched hands, that was pretty awkward feeling, especially while still seated. We stayed after the movie to try and find the song they played constantly, in a joyful manner of course! We never found it in the end credits, but it was time to get out of our seats and wait for her father in the lobby. There we were, in each other's arms, kind of cold, waiting for our ride. He pulled up, I sat in the back and her dog sat in my lap. He poked me every couple minutes, which apparently meant, "Hey, you, person, pet me... PET ME! Aww, thanks you did." She dropped me off home, this time I DID have my keys, but again, just hugged her goodbye...
We talked everyday on the phone that summer, for a couple of hours at least. Mid-June came and it had been 3 weeks since we last saw each other, and our one month was about to come up, so I decided to take her to First street in Benicia. I had plans set up, I decided to wear a cape and get her flowers, hybrid lilies, one of her favorite. Just my luck, hybrid lilies weren't in season and only one bouquet was left in all of Benicia and some other guy in his 20s wanted those same flowers. Guess who won the fight over flowers for our girlfriends? That's right, me. I wasn't gonna give anything up for those. A little more than 10 minutes afterward, she arrived at the front of the library, I opened the door for her, gave her the flowers and we started walking. Walking down the beautiful downtown of Benicia, we ran into one of our more awkward friends, but she always means well, we walked into a couple of antique shops and eventually ended up walking all the way down towards the pier. We crossed the street towards the empty field and stood near a little pond-marsh-thing. There we stood for about 2 hours, hardly saying more than a couple sentences at a time. But completely content with the world around us, with each other, nothing could possibly ruin those two hours. We talked about the things couples talk about: Could you ever imagine US ever going out? What were the chances? How we could both be there for days, completely happy...Etc... Because I'm a guy and I was so happy being with her, my heart was beating faster and harder than the pistons in a car engine. She's conveniently tall enough to rest hear head where my heart is while we're in each other's arms. She notices it and starts breathing slower, pacing herself. I naturally am curious as of what she's doing, my asthma kicking up slowly along with the heart beats decreasing in intervals. She tells me that she's trying to slow my heartbeat because my asthma's preventing me from doing it. I laughed, not noticing the overall effect it would have on me later. I responded jokingly, telling her that it's like me working for her, so she can grow muscles. We laughed and smiled, staring into each others eyes, completely lost within them... I'm jumping forward 20 minutes on purpose, for reasons some people know, while others don't and shouldn't have to know. But we go to Double Rainbow, an ice-cream parlor/cafe, and listen to my Ipod a little while my smoothie and her drink are being prepared. I find out she ordered a cup of coffee, and if you know her, you automatically will know that's bad choice #3. I'm getting a little worried, hoping that the date wasn't December 21st 2012, but it was minutely hot and windy, worried none the less, coffee doesn't mix well with a happy, bouncy (like Tigger) type of person. But our days almost over so we start walking to the park, and I put on my cape, telling her it's because she makes me feel like a super hero. Little fun tidbit of that day: on the way up, we see a black PT Cruiser with purple flames which was had been driven by an old lady, with and older lady in the passenger seat. We eventually reached the library, her mom pulled over to the curb, and we hugged goodbye, now our signature salutation.
The next Monday, July 6th, was my flight to our nation's capital for NSLC. I got into my dorm room at the University of Maryland and I called her, and she seemed a little distraught. Being the concerned boyfriend that I am, I asked what was up. She asked if I really wanted her to say it. Well but of course, I really did not know what was wrong. She laughed and said, "I miss you." My heart started beating harder again, because I knew we hadn't seen each other most of the summer, always talking on the phone, and we don't live that close to each other, so there was no reason to miss me for any special occasion, right? I told her I'd call her every night then, to make her feel better, and even if I had to stay up to 12 with the difference in time-zones. While our
NSLC group went to Union Station, we ran into a Swarovski store, for some odd reason, I really wanted to go inside... I found a small crystalline mouse and decided that I wanted her to have it, but the question was: Is it cute/adorable enough? I ask my little group of friends and any cluster of girls I could find and show them the tiny mouse, without saying a word, the first two words I heard screamed at me were: Awww!!!! Cute!!!! They asked for whom, I said for the person that's extremely special to me, 'nough said. Did I forget to mention that my parents weren't super cool with me calling my girlfriend more than them? I got grounded the day I came home, fun, huh? No phone or laptop or seeing my girlfriend until school started... But I convinced them that I should at least see her the Friday after I come back, and so I did. We couldn't decide where to go, so we went for "originality" and met at First Street again. The box the mouse came in was a little big and bulky, so there was no way to hide it, but I took the mouse and put it into some gift tissue paper thing... Anyways, I had it in my breast pocket and was waiting for the perfect moment to give it to her. We sat on a bench looking onto the water and some funny little ducks. Laughing and smiling I thought that it would be a good time to give it to her... She loved it, and it was time to go, yet again... That was the last time I'd see her that summer. She went off to her friend's house, accidentally leaves the mouse there, her friend eventually names the mouse William, suiting, no? She gets it back, no worries.We still talk on the phone, just this time I'm using my home phone, pretty lame. But we we still talk, she tells me of how she wants this to be the best year yet, seeing as how it's her Senior year and all. I put it up onto myself to try and make it perfect. I didn't plan very much, maybe two things tops, but I did want it to make it amazing for her.
School started the stress of college apps, AP classes and school overall starts piling. She becomes busy extremely quickly, but I foresaw it, again, it being her senior year and all. We still talked, I tried to occasionally help her with her Anatomy homework, hung out with friends during lunch, the usual. But one day, she seemed extremely quite after school, something was definitely wrong. I had a pretty bad feeling about this, but I wanted to comfort her, being her boyfriend. We stood in each other's arms near the maintenance buildings. She said she wanted to break up, I said, sure, hoping it could work a little afterwards. She needed to go to the library to work on her Anatomy project, while I walked to where my mom picks me up. I walk steadily, suddenly my heart sinks and my asthma kicks in severely. I two of my friends, I sit down on the grass and started crying. This was the beginning of the end and the beginning of when I started to figure out that she was much more to me than just my girlfriend.
I got home tears streaming down my face, my neighbor, nearly my brother, outside going to his car. He looks at me, takes me in his arms and I just pour out. We talk numerous times trying to make me feel better, also giving us time to reminisce before he goes off to college. Over the course of about a week, I was able to temporarily convince her to give me another chance, that the month I was gone, we degressed a little, reverted back to just friends. Since we didn't know eachother very well before, we needed to climb the relationship ladder: acquaintences, friends, good friends, best friend, couple. Going out, we obviously skipped a couple steps, eventually anything could tip our balance and fall down anywhere onto those steps. So we went out again, decided to go to homecoming, but I was constantly worried about her now. I wanted to make sure she was happy, with me and just normally content, but being worried never fixes things. I would think of ways to make her better, but my worrying got in the way of my way of putting them into action. Apparently being worried helps think, not act, it's a crappy mental process that hasn't been improved through the evolution of human emotions. The day of Anime club's movie, I couldn't get her out of my mind, I was just so completely out of it. Ambivalent at the time, happy to be with her, worried about how she's doing. Those two don't mix well with me. She noticed and called that night, I told her about my worrying problem about how I was so ambivalent around her, hoping she would understand... The next Monday, we broke up, yet again. This time, all the cogs in my head started working, trying to figure out what she means to me... Why I couldn't let her go, why I can't let her, of all the girls I've gone out with, why I couldn't let her slip. Why was she the one I wanted to see smile everyday?
I kept trying to get us back together, eventually I thought I'd try it her way, stay friends... Not a good idea, everything I did, everytime I closed my eyes she's there or it reminds me of things we've done. I spiraled downwards, feeling myself being affected physically and emotionally by not being with her, something about her is making my heart and mind sink. I remember of when she started breathing slower so my heart beat could slow down, of how much in awe I was when she showed up at my door before Prom, how I unknowingly couldn't keep my eyes off her Freshmen year, most of all, what compelled me, pushed me and extended my arm to grab her hand around that pilar? I figured it out... I love her, she's the angel that I'd been looking for all my life, something else wanted us to be together... I knew she felt the same way, the same feelings she had when she floated to cloud 9 by the way I smelled, the way she wanted to slow my heartbeat down, how she wanted me to go to Prom with her, the way she missed me even though phone conversations is all we had... I know, no I feel and believe that she does feel the same way, she's just lost sight of it, just like how I lost sight of wanting her to by happy through my worrying...
Webster's Dictionary defines love as "Especially, devoted attachment to, or tender or passionate affection for, one of the opposite sex." Emotional Intelligence defines it as "acceptance, friendliness, trust, kindness, affinity, devotion, adoration, infatuation, agape." My definition of love is when reality becomes better than your most memorable dream, when that other person cares for you enough to miss more when you go somewhere, even though you hardly see eachother, when both people are happiest when they're with eachother. I fell in love with her. Am I wrong to keep trying? Am I wrong to be torn apart, to know that she does feel the same way? Was I wrong to fall in love? I don't think, believe or feel so... Am I wrong to tell her that I love her?
